Be my paradise.

I’d like to formally apologize for my extended absence from this beautiful site. I’ve been so busy with studies, basketball, boys, and just loving life that I kind of, maybe, sort of forgot about tumblr… Well, not it’s 10th here at Carleton and I’ll be home in 9 days. Can you believe it? I’m pretty much finished with my freshman year of college… Damn, time really does fly. Anyways, I guess it’s that time to talk about my college escapades, from my lowest points to my highest points. I’ve learned so much about myself from this past year it amazes me how much of myself I didn’t know about before. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve made poor decisions but sometimes it takes the biggest mistakes to be able to put things into perspective and eventually piece everything back together. I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I perceived myself to be. I’ve learned that sometimes life requires little episodes of being spontaneous, of ceasing the moment, of just trusting your instincts and your heart no matter how terrible it may make you feel. I’ve learned to be grateful for my friends and my family and everything each person in my life has done for me. I’ve learned that you really don’t appreciate things and people until you’re taken away from them or they’re taken away from you. I’ve learned that you have to be active. Get off your but and go make things happen. I’ve learned that you have to be disciplined and organized. I’ve learned that winning isn’t everything and that what really matters is that you put in everything you’ve got when chasing your dreams. I’ve learned that when you try to avoid someone, you’ll end up seeing them every damn day-_-. I’ve learned that sometimes your own happiness is at stake when you want other people to be happy. That sometimes you just have to let everything out: to cry when you deserve to and to scream when you’re fed up with just everything. There’s no use in bottling everything up. I’ve learned that you just need to have fun. COLLEGE IS FUN. COLLEGE IS MORE THAN YOU EXPECT IT TO BE. College is probably going to be the best time of my life and I need to embrace this fact and make the most out of every little thing that goes on… 3 years from now I won’t be able to go back in time and wish I had done this or that. All I’ll have are my memories so I better make them special, beautiful, and fun :). 

thecutestboysever:

http://julianhenry.tumblr.com/

Wow, the things I would do to go back home and I’ve only been in minnesota for what? 5 hours? Ugh I miss my family, my friends, my dogs, the food, the sunshine… everything about cali! Break was too short for me and it just makes me so sad :( Yeah I have the freedom to do whatever I want but the people I want to spend it with aren’t here :(. dslkfjdlkjf I’m just one emotional fool right now whatever things will be back on track in a few days… i hope. ANYWAYS, let’s talk about my amazing, short, fun break :)

So within the short 12 days of being home I:

• Ate as much korean and japanese food I could
• Went to the Lakers scrimmage
• Went to the Clippers meet and greet with cheryl :)
• Went shopping at 3rd st promenade with my sister 
• Stayed at my sisters place in Manhattan beach
• Went to the sand dunes and got in a workout
• Had a family photo shoot… lmao
• Went to the Lakeshow with my sister !! Although they lost I had so much fun.
• Got a root canal-___-
• Got in my sushi date with triciaaa
• went clubbing but that was a fail. 
• Cuddled with my doggies every night :D
• Got to see the HW crew :)
• Cheryl’s party was poppinnnnn.. had so much fun….. lmao
• Woke up the next morning with cheryl wearing my v-neck as pajama pants. lmao she put her legs through the sleeves.. Funniest shit of my LIFE. 
• Celebrated Christmas with both sides of the family :)
• met my baby cousin Ethan for the first time :) 
• and nowww… I’m back :(

You have no idea how badly I wanna go back already. sigh :(

Just got to wait another 3 months. Hoping and praying it goes by quickly!!

The countdown begins today.

This always happens to me. I always end up falling for a guy I really have no business falling for. It’s this reoccurring theme of “You want what you can’t have” that haunts me. Either you live far away from me, you’re just not interested, you’re too old, you’re too young, or you’re already taken. Every guy I’m interested in ends up being someone I can’t be with and it’s so frustrating. I don’t get it. Maybe I’m being too picky and the guys who I take interest in just aren’t meant for me. & what sucks is I’m so tired of waiting for that one guy to sweep me off my feet. This continuous waiting and hoping causes me to put myself out there, to over analyze or over think stupid shit. I find myself forcing things that aren’t meant to be no matter how much I want them to be. I’m sick of waiting and wishing something would happen. And then again, there’s that saying: “good things come to those who wait.” So maybe I should continue to wait? I honestly don’t know why I’m making such a big issue out of this. I have bigger more important things to worry about. It’s just that, loving someone is something I’ve been longing for. To be able to hold someone’s hand, to talk to someone for endless hours, to be able to tell them everything, to be able to be yourself around them, to actually share a bond of genuine feelings. It just seems so magical to me. Idk. It just sucks when you have that chance of actually seeing something that seems so close, so tangible yet in reality it’s so far and untouchable. 

all I know is that although I may do a lot of stupid shit, I know I’m at least one step closer to love. I just hope that after all this waiting, hoping, wishing, & wanting that God has someone special in store for me. That someday, it’ll all pay off. 

jennatomita:

Story of my life with this one guy..